Amblin’ Alameda: Love the One You’re With

Amblin’ Alameda: Love the One You’re With

Morton Chalfy

Walking along Shoreline I passed a couple coming toward me and noticed they were in a classic spatial relationship to each other. He was striding manfully along, tall and with a scowl on his face and she, shorter, rounder, not in as good shape, was puffing along in his wake and not looking too happy either. Everything I thought about them is pure speculation but it did set me off on this line of contemplation.

In the song by Stephen Stills we are told that “if you can’t be with the one you love … love the one you’re with.” But what if you are with the one you love but the magic has gone out of your sex life. What if you are in a committed relationship, one you intend to stay in, but feel as though the juice has been squeezed out? Do you fake it? Do you take the loss of feeling out on your partner? Do you feel like you could have had someone more to your liking but are stuck in this relationship?

The enemy of love is comparison. If only a pin-up queen or movie star will float your boat, and you can’t get close to them, do you pine away your life wishing for the unattainable? Live with a feeling of inadequacy and frustration? That would be a waste of the one life we have.

Companionship, for those who appreciate it, greatly enhances one’s enjoyment of living. A companion can fit many models but the loving companionship of a spouse (sanctioned by religion and/or the state or not) is the most comfortable lifestyle there is for most people. Help with the vicissitudes of the world, company to enjoy the good times and aid us in the bad and sex. What could fill more bills?

If you do have a loving companion and have misplaced the joy of sex you can indeed recapture it. First you have to repeat the dicta “everybody is somebody” and “comparisons are odious.” Loving the one you’re with merely requires focusing on the individual. Everyone’s body is a body and therefore strokable, kissable, lovable and unique.

When once you open your heart and decide to love more by focusing more on the real person you live with, (rather than the image and collection of habits you’ve gotten used to) you will find that foibles are endearing, all shapes are attractive in the eyes of the lover and beauty is, indeed, in the beholder’s eyes. Happy marriages occur between real people being honest with themselves and each other and loving the person.

When I say “open your heart” I mean decide to love the other without cavil or bias or judgment and you will find that love will grow and fill the space you make for it.